On turning 33 and life, such as it is.
As I sit down to write this, my darling little one year old is babbling away to himself in his cot, hopefully it means that he’s on his way to sleep. It may mean the opposite. Either way, I’m sitting down to write this and hopefully get some of the half-thoughts out of my head. If this post is a bit disjointed, sorry about that. These thoughts have all been running around in my head since my boy turned one and we took a morning to celebrate his precious little life with friends and family. I wanted to take a snapshot of where I’m at – and so this post is just a way of sharing what’s in my head, and my heart interspersed with a couple of special photos from James’s birthday.
In 2 days I turn 33, and in 4 and a half months, we’ll have another little guy join the family. Life hasn’t turned out quite like I expected, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t choose to have it any other way.
I expected, by 33, to:
feel a lot more comfortable in my skin
be a lot more sure of my plan for my life
and be confident that I was in the right place
On being comfortable in my own skin
I’m an introvert. My sister, an excellent psych OT, processed my sensory profile recently (how I interpret the world through my senses). Basically, she found that I’m about as introverted as it is possible to be. Well, that was my take home from it, there was lot of other stuff, like why I hated skydiving so much and other important things. But it was also wonderfully freeing. I don’t think I’d ever understood that some people need noise and jumping out of aeroplanes and all the people. They aren’t more competent humans, they’re just wired differently. And being introverted doesn’t mean that I don’t like people – I LOVE people, I’m just not as socially able as other people.
(Side note – I cannot recommend getting your profile done highly enough. Especially if you are in a relationship, understanding yourself and how the other person processes the world makes such a difference. It makes you more aware of what the other person needs, and why they might react in a certain way in different situations. That all sounds a bit vague, but please drop me a mail if you’d like some more info or would like to get it done yourself.)
On being sure of my purpose
I believe, with all my heart, that we are made for great things. That God has created us uniquely and beautifully and that we have a purpose. And I’d love mine to be a miracle-working, world changing one, and it may still be, but God is also in the seemingly little things. And I’m learning that in Cape Town there is so much opportunity to build relationships, show love and be open to being changed through new perspectives. Practically for me, that means learning some Xhosa. Something that I’ve realised in becoming a mom, is that English (as my first language) is my heart language. In those first couple of months there is no way that I could have expressed my love in another language – I know plenty of words in other languages that mean love, but they don’t mean love to me. This has helped me to understand the importance of language, how closely we hold our language in our hearts. And I am convinced that if I can work on sharing language with a stranger, in reaching out to other people in their heart language, that something will happen.
On being confident that I’m in the right place
I’m trying not to chase the things that don’t really matter. My husband and I have done things a bit differently, instead of settling down and buying a house, we chose to go travelling for 3 years. Instead of building a career, we’ve chosen to start our own business – which is still in the start-up phase almost 3 years down the line. We’re choosing to scale down our lives, renting a small flat in town, sharing a car, selling or giving away anything that we don’t need and walking wherever possible; which seems so counter-intuitive in a consumeristic (that’s probably not a word) society.
Things change quickly, James was born a year ago, and in the blink of an eye we were celebrating his first birthday. There are so many things that I don’t get right, but I’m trying hard to be conscious of the choices I make. I don’t want to wake up in a couple of years and wonder where all the time went. So, I may not be where I expected to be at 33, but I’m so very grateful to be here.
Side note, we asked the lovely Corrie de Vries to take photos of the day and were so so pleased that we did (not sponsored). And, if you think my hair looks great, it’s because the talented humans over at Spoilt take such good care of it.
Have a look at more Cape Town lifetsyle.